Sometimes you want to have sex standing up. Other times you want to lie back and let your partner work their magic. On other occasions, you crave a kinky position. Then there are those moments when you just want ~all~ the control. When those dominant feels strike, there’s only one course of action to take: Get on top.
These positions will let you dictate the depth and angle of penetration, as well as the speed. Plus it may help you reach orgasm more easily, says Reba Thomas, a sex educator and CEO of Sexpert Consultants, a company that specialises in adult sex health education.
Being on top feels great for people with clitorises because over 70% of people with vulvas require external clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm,’ she said. ‘When you’re on top and you lean forward, the friction helps awaken the clitoral cluster. And when you’re more aroused, the pleasure is better for everyone.’
You also enjoy a lot of versatility on top, points out Jess O’Reilly, PhD, sexologist and host of the @SexWithDrJess Podcast. ‘If you’re an exhibitionist, you can play with these fantasies while your body is in full view and you can also enjoy the many benefits of eye contact with your partner,’ she says. ‘You might use eye contact to enhance intimacy, convey desire and pleasure, or experiment with dominance and submission.’
And, if you like to use toys, you can reach down and make room for a vibrator to stimulate your clitoris even more, says sex therapist Debra Laino, DHS.
But being on top doesn’t mean you have to default to doing cowgirl. In fact, there are actually 20 different woman-on-top positions for you to get creative with while riding your partner’s penis (or a strap-on), and plenty of these allow for additional stimulation like nipple play with your free hands or a vibrator.
There are a few tricks to make your on top experience even better
For starters, there’s getting into position. Tyomi Morgan, certified sexologist, pleasure coach, and creator of The Cowgirl Workout recommends being ‘direct and playful’ here. ‘Whispering phrases like “I want ride you now,” “let me ride that [fill in the blank,]” or ‘please let me climb on top,’ express desire and are direct expressions,’ she says. ‘Asking for what you want can sometimes feel nerve-wracking, but being clear about what you desire is the simplest way to [get what you want].’
As for actually getting into position, O’Reilly says ‘there’s no right way’ but there are a few things you can do to make it sexier. ‘You might hold your partner’s hands above their head while you mount them, or you might roll them over and climb aboard,’ she says.
When it comes to movement, it’s really up to you. ‘Many women get pleasure by grinding on’ Laino says. ‘So, slow rhythmic movements.’ You can put your hands on your partner’s chest (or knees if you’re facing away from them) for stability. Then, once you’ve got a groove going reach down pleasure yourself at the same time.
Ultimately, O’Reilly says, it’s best to do what feels good to you. ‘Don’t emulate what you see in porn, but move your body in a way that produces pleasure,’ she says. ‘Rather than focusing on how you look, tune in to how you feel.’
1. Seated Wheelbarrow
Get in there and ride it however you want, while giving your partner a nice view of your booty. ‘You can move forward and back, side-to-side, giving you a different range of sensations,’ Parks says. ‘You get to control the tempo and depth of penetration.’ This move can also allow you to grind against your clitoris, O’Reilly points out.
Do it: Have your partner sit at the edge of a bed or chair. Then, sit on their lap and plant your hands on the floor. Stretch your legs behind their waist and go for it.
2. Upstanding Citizen
This position ‘can create extra friction and tightness against your [labia] and clitoris, which is perfect for a grinding orgasm,’ O’Reilly says. Parks points out that you’re not going to have as much control here, given that your partner will be holding your weight, but ‘both partners can move in tandem and have a great time.’
Do it: Straddle your seated partner, wrapping your legs around their body. They stand and support you in their arms while you pump away.
3. Lazy Time
You’re in total control with this position. ‘It’s a good way to experiment beyond basic woman on top,’ Parks says. This can help you ‘modulate tempo and depth, and get plenty of leverage,’ she says. Your partner will also ‘get a great view of [themselves or their strap-on] sliding in and out of you,’ O’Reilly says.
Do it: Have your partner sit on the bed, with their back supported by pillows and legs outstretched. Straddle their waist, with your feet on the bed. Then, bend your knees to lower yourself onto them, using one hand to direct the penis or strap-on in.
4. Wrapped Lotus
You’ll get up close and personal in this highly intimate position. ‘It’s almost like an extended hug,’ Parks says. ‘There’s an emotional and physical intimacy hybrid.’ You can also control the action by using your partner for leverage to move up and down by leaning back.
Do it: Have your partner sit cross-legged and climb into their lap, facing them. Wrap your legs around their back. Then, have your partner enter you and grind up against their pelvis.
5. Face-Off
From this position, you’re totally in control of the angle and depth of penetration, says Thomas. ‘The person on top has control over how they’re being penetrated and because the bodies are so close, there’s bound to be friction on the external part of the clitoris.
Not only that, but your hands are also 100 percent free to do as they please–whether it shows your clit some love or get fun and handsy with your partner’s erogenous zones.
Do it: Your partner sits on a chair or the edge of the bed; you face them, seated on their lap.
6. Cowgirl
’This is one of the most vibrator-friendly positions,’ says Thomas. This classic woman-on-top position puts you in total control, and you can try adding a little spice by incorporating a couples vibrator or by playing around with how wide you spread your legs. If you want to level up the action, try holding your partner’s hands above their head or tying them up. You can even experiment with blindfolds and nipple play, Laino adds.
Do it: You kneel on top, pushing off your partner’s chest and sliding up and down their thighs. You can relieve some of your weight from their pelvis by leaning back and supporting yourself on their thighs.
7. Cowgirl’s Helper
The Cowgirl’s Helper puts less stress on your legs, making reaching that sweet, sweet orgasm way less strenuous (score!). You can also try alternating between shallow penetration by leaning forward and deep thrusting by sitting up straighter to target different parts of your vagina, like your G-spot, says Thomas.
Another option: ‘Sit all the way down and rock your hips from front to back. Picture yourself sensually riding a rocking horse for this move…it’s weird, but it works,’ O’Reilly says.
Do it: Similar to the popular Cowgirl sex position, you kneel on top, pushing off your partner’s chest and sliding up and down the thighs. But your partner helps by supporting some of your weight and grabbing your hips or thighs while they rise to meet each thrust.
8. Reverse Cowgirl
This is a great variation on classic Cowgirl. Again, it lets you take control of the pace and angle of thrusts. If you want to add some extra stimulation, Thomas recommends asking your partner to shift their position a bit.
’You can enhance this position by asking the penetrating partner to bend their knees, which will allow you to stimulate your clitoris.’ Their thighs will create the perfect surface to rub your clit against during sex. Yes, please.
Do it: Your partner lies on their back; you straddle them, facing their feet.
9. Champagne Room
This position, while allowing you to regulate just how fast and intense the sex is going to be, works for both vaginal and anal sex. Plus, your hands are free to roam and stimulate your clit, your partner’s inner thighs, or even their anus for double (or triple) the pleasure, says Thomas.
You can also slow things down for a naughty vibe. ‘Alternate between five slow strokes and 10 quick ones just for fun,’ O’Reilly.
Do it: Your partner sits and you sit on top of them, facing away.
12. Pretzel Dip
Think of this sex position as doggy style, except with eye contact and a pretty good view of your partner’s body. Aside from being great for penetration with a penis or strap-on, Thomas says this position is also pretty ideal for getting handsy. ‘The Pretzel Dip is a great position for stimulating the clitoris either with a hand, toy, or thigh.’ You can also work your nipples, Laino points out.
Do it: Have your partner lie on their right side; then kneel, straddling your right leg and curling your left leg around their left side.
13. Leap Frog
If you live for deep penetration, add this to your list of go-to’s. ‘Leap Frog with an arched back is great for deep penetration,’ says Thomas, who adds that you can up the intensity of this position by stimulating the tip of the clitoris to ensure maximum arousal. Try a clitoral toy if manual stimulation doesn’t do the trick, Laino suggests.
Do it: This is a modified doggy style. Have your partner get on their hands and knees, then, keeping their hips raised, enter them from behind with your finger or strap-on.
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